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The Trouble with Men: Reflections on Sex, Love, Marriage, Porn, and Power
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David Shields's The Trouble with Men: Reflections on Sex, Love, Marriage, Porn, and Power is an immersion into the perils, limits, and possibilities of human intimacy. All at once a love letter to his wife, a nervy reckoning with his own fallibility, a meditation on the impact of porn on American culture, and an attempt to understand marriage (one marriage, the idea of marriage, all marriages), The Trouble with Men is exquisitely balanced between the personal and the anthropological, nakedness and restraint.Â
While unashamedly intellectual, it's also irresistibly accessible and extremely moving. Over five increasingly intimate chapters, Shields probes the contours of his own psyche and marriage, marshalling a chorus of other voices that leaven, deepen, and universalize his experience; his goal is nothing less than a deconstruction of eros and conventional masculinity. Masterfully woven throughout is an unmistakable and surprisingly tender cri de coeur to his wife. The risk and vulnerability on display are in the service of radical candor, acerbic wit, real emotion, and profound insight - exactly what we've come to expect from Shields, who, in an open invitation to the listener, leaves everything transparent.
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 3 hours and 40 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Audible Studios
Audible.com Release Date: March 12, 2019
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English, English
ASIN: B07NDJGLYC
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
Trouble is a brave, frank excursion into some of the dark places in Mr. Shields’ mind. He uses collage technique to assemble quotes that support or undercut his positions. Fans of collage will be enthralled. I am less of a fan—it has its place but there can be too much of the good thing. In a personal essay (and this is a very personal essay) it leads to doubt about whether the borrowed text supports the protagonist’s position, destabilizes it, or influences its direction. I am sure that is exactly what Mr. Shields wants collage to do. But it makes a “personal essay†less personal. So I give this 4 of 5 stars but fans of collage will love it more than I did.
For all its brevity, The Trouble With Men packs a punch. The book stays with me. I found it both deep and disconcerting. I admire the guts it took to write this. Shields strips away the armor of the self and leaves us with the meticulously constructed artifice of the book. The Trouble With Men goes further than almost anything I’ve read to break down the barriers between what’s public and what’s private. The book is a cri du couer about pain, humiliation and our inability to connect. Shields worked on this book for many years and calls it his “most self-mortifying.†The Trouble With Men may be difficult and defy easy categorization but it's also bold, singular and I suspect it will last.
David Shields’ powerful new book is part of a nonfiction series, but is much more than that. There are countless quotes, from Montaigne to Trump. But the treatment of them, and Shields’ placement, reflections, and conclusions take on the expression of the masterful fiction writer that he is. Beyond these generalities, be prepared to read some of the most compelling prose on the unfathomable predicaments between men and women ever written.
David Shields is out with a book that could be designated Enough About You: Volume Six. He’s continuing to investigate and excavate his “damned, doomed self†in The Trouble with Men: Reflections on Sex, Love, Marriage, Porn, and Power, and those who have read him will know that the title is as much of an equivocation as everything else in this intellectually challenging work, which might--given how intently it focuses upon Shields’ own sexual obsessiveness--have been alternately titled The Trouble with Me. Shields has always been absolutely fearless in self-disclosure in his lyrical essays, and The Trouble with Men dizzyingly raises the ante on that personal recklessness by including his actual marriage as a substantial element of this latest installment of project of his literary self-analysis. Consequently, the new book contains chapters such as “Let’s Say I’m Writing a Love Letter to You,†“The Four People in Every Bedroom,†and “This is the Part Where You’re Supposed to Say I Love You.†“Let’s Say I’m Writing a Love Letter†and “the Part Where You’re Supposed to Say†are very typical Shields equivocations: he has never met a contradiction he won’t identify with and (reluctantly?) embrace, and readers seeking books possessed of clear, authoritative and certain conclusions about human sexuality need to visit the self-help aisle—The Trouble with Men is about nothing more than the cradle to grave trouble that men (women, too, but maybe less) have with sex, and there’s just no self-help for it.That doesn’t mean, however, that The Trouble with Men doesn’t consistently illuminate sexual customs not often discussed at cocktail parties: for instance, Shields employs his many sources to explain when and why American women began to shave their nether parts. Like all of Shields’s work since he repudiated the novel, The Trouble with Men is a familiar blend of memoir, film and literary criticism, erotic meditation, personal confession, and sardonic appreciation--all of it held together by the technique of collage which, Shields explained in How Literature Saved My Life, “demands that the reader figure out for herself where she is and where she’s going (hint: she’s going somewhere quite specific, guided all along by the subterranean collagist).†In The Trouble with Men, the “subterranean collagist†returns us relentlessly to the text as a love letter to Shields’ wife—a love letter he is certain she won’t appreciate in the least. And yet, those reluctant to eavesdrop intimately for one hundred sixty pages on a real world marriage can take solace in the fact that Shields’s books, confessional and self-exposing as they always appear, inevitably contain enough literary irony to turn his narrator into a fiction and, in The Trouble with Men, the narrator’s wife into the idea of a difficult marital partner. That trick of fictionalized self-exposure is the most significant achievement of Shields’s literary oeuvre, and if you don’t read The Trouble with Men for its complex illuminations of human sexuality, read it instead for its exemplification of one writer’s commitment to enacting in prose the courage of his existential convictions.
David Shields’ new book about sex is, in the best possible sense, like floating through one of those funhouse Rivers of Horror. I read in one sitting and in the course of the reading many odd and disturbing things jumped out of the dark, aiming at me. More things than normal, like machine gun more. It’s a punishing work, punishing us for all our sins, confessed and likely not. Punishing us gleefully, daintily, cruelly, self-consciously, with malice aforethought, and afterthought, with recognition and shame, with striking realization and the thought we thought we had dodged. The work is wide-ranging, utterly unique, entertaining in the highest and lowest ways, and sometimes utterly baffling. It’s a compendium of Shield’s thoughts and those of others nominally attributed, souls greater and lesser than the author, as I’m sure he would be the first to point out. It’s a ground-breaking book like many of Shields’ more recent works--new territory, new angles of view, new and often multi-banked shots that you will think about in bits and pieces, with pleasure and curiosity, with yourself front and center, with your own deeply personal history and experience firmly in the frame. You had better read it in private, at least the first time.
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